Bonsoir.
I am lokar, potentate of thug locusts.
I'm sitting in for space ghost, who's visiting his mum in central Florida.
Tonight I have some gems from thespace ghostvault.
Well, actually these are not gems.
They're just repackaged squalor contrived to occupy
precious time on the network,
thereby providing you infantile humans your weespace ghostfix
for the week.
This eventide will manifest two uncommon chapters from thespace ghost
sequence.
This maiden article is from a homestead video relea... get these spiders
off of me!
Excuse me. There were some arachnids in here.
Anyway, it's quite beyond my discernment what you asinine humans think
is so bleeding marvelous... bleeding marvelous... about the puerile
space imbecile and his stupid pal greeny!
Roll the crap!
Please don't jump on me, spiders.
All righty! We have some interviews with the stars of the mask.
Look, here comes Jim now.
His mask is better than yours.
Shut your yap, you stupid cricket.
- Hello, Jim. - Were you followed?
Uh...
No.
Good. You know, I just called zorak a cricket, but he's really a mantis.
- Oh, really? - He's really a mantis.
Excellent.
Impersonate me!
This kind of mantis?
Say, that's pretty good!
I used to love mantises.
I used to love to, like, get a mantis and a grasshopper, put them in a jar,
and shake them up.
A grass-mantis shake?
Now, if only we knew where to find a big grasshopper.
Shut up!
Cool. All right.
Hey, Jim, can you impersonate me?
Childish.
I love the killer ray, man.
And it loves you.
- Really? - Yes, but love it carefully.
It's a very delicate instrument.
It doesn't just go off every once in a while and SWAT somebody?
No.
I meant to do that.
Oh, man.
- He'll live. - He always does.
So do you love my mask as well, citizen mask?
Space ghost mask is excellent... But where are the ears, man?
- Don't need them. - I read lips.
Excellent.
What? What?
Ha ha ha!
Uh... Cool. All right.
I hear... get it? Hear?
That you can make your heart beat out of your chest.
Do it.
Uh, that's just really a side effect from the drugs.
Drugs are bad.
Cool. All right.
I've never taken drugs.
- Quit bragging. - Sorry.
All right.
Do you have any words of wisdom to tell the universe?
To the universe?
No, to the universe.
Uh, uh...Yeah.
Um, no.
Bye, then.
Cool. All right.
Whatever.
I'm really sorry, zorak.
I didn't mean to... yeah, sure, space ghost.
- It just went off. - Really!
Sure it did. Ugh... Did he have a sidekick or something?
- What, do you mean those teens? Ha ha! - They're history.
That's cool.
My next guest is Charles Russell.
He directedthe mask.
Citizen Charles, welcome to the show.
Thank you very much.
- I could be an actor. - I've got the look.
- Well, the yellow cape is good. - I like yellow a lot.
Me, too!
We have a nice banana-yellow zoot suit inmask.
Bananas are a good source of potassium.
That's true.
So very, very true.
So what about the rest of my suit?
It's strong, it's powerful, but I think it's time for space ghost
to break out.
I like the way you think, Chuck.
I think I might want to do something with the wardrobe.
I think I want to do something maybe with a little more color.
You want to paint me up all green like the mguy?
The truth, though, is that Jim carrey actually is green.
Zorak is green... With evil.
I think having an evil bandleader is always a plus because it gives you
that special edge to the music.
- Yeah, whatever. - We're not here to talk about music, Chuck.
We're here to talk about me and my talk show on the cartoon network,
- which airs Friday nights at 11 P.M. - Eastern standard time.
Although, space ghost, I must say I've enjoyed some of your earlier work
in particular.
- That was nothing. - I was typecast!
But the Tex Avery, uh, Chuck Jones... those guys are old-school.
- I was typecast! - Don't you get that?
I kept getting superhero parts, saving galaxies.
I wanted more heroic roles like... like Lassie!
I've always been bored with Lassie, who... bored with Lassie?!
Lassie's king!
Yeah, Lassie's king!
Did he have a sidekick or something?
Lassie hater.
Normally, I'd ask you if you had any final words for the universe,
but we're out of time for you... isn't that funny?
Isn't that jovial?
Look, look, he's so precious.
All right, would some personage out there please elucidate to me
what in the name of all that's dear was so capricious about that piece?
Oh! Comedy! I see!
Comedy!
Yes, let's probe that word, shall we?
Comedy... popular distraction comprised of revelry, jape, jest, or humorous...
humorous... performance.
Frankly, I find more drollery in a regional neighborhood
renaissance festival than in this space ghost crap!
I shall return after this... aah!
Get away from... stop touching! Aah!
After this message from the guarantor.
When it all comes down to it, this ensuing scrap of offal
would be my peculiar pampered darling.
"Why?" You may ask.
Well, I shall tell you.
This singular episode, christenedstorybook house
with kirk the storyteller and Carl the cartoonist, rankled the invariant
space ghostbeholder to the extreme.
Roll the crap, please!
Welcome to the amazing tales of the classic superhero space ghost,
who's entertained young and old for generations.
I'm kirk the storyteller, and I will be your narrator.
Carl the cartoonist will help me tell the stories by drawing pictures
as we go along.
The scene for our first story is set in the future and features space ghost
and his adversaries moltar and zorak.
We are in moltar's control room, where moltar and zorak scheme
to defeat space ghost.
Zorak asks where space ghost is, and moltar replies he's in the back
with his new sea-monkey kit.
We now see space ghost reading from a sheet of directions.
He reads that now he has created an adorable home for sea-monkeys.
- "Open the pouch," - The directions read.
"It contains sea-monkey pellets.
"Pour them into the bowl, "and in just minutes your sea-monkeys
will flourish with life."
Meantime, zorak, on the monitor in the control room, is up to mischief
as he speaks an incantation.
"Lombaaki creo plomo pleozona ah ah."
- "What is that?" - Asks moltar.
Zorak replies it is a spell from his new book,
the joy of incantations.
It gives him power over space ghost's mind.
Meantime, before the bowl where space ghost is creating his sea-monkeys,
he continues to read the direction sheet.
"Soon," he reads, "you will be able to observe "your sea-monkeys
as they make families, "have dinner, purchase fine autos, "and perform other
daily life activities, all within the domain of the sea-monkey bowl."
Back in the control room, moltar explains it's time to get the space ghost.
He broadcasts for space ghost to return to the set.
Space ghost has heard the message, and he says to his sea-monkeys,
"I have to go, sea-monkeys.
Here, have one of my special supervitamins."
And now, on his show set, space ghost greets his audience.
"Greetings.
I'm space ghost, "and joining me on the show "are rap artist schooly d
and weird al yankovic.
- "- Say hello, schooly! - Say hello, al!"
"Hey, what's up, man?
- I'm all right. - How you doing?"
But then zorak comes forward and speaks his evil incantation.
"Lombaaki creo plomo pleozona ah ah."
The space ghost loses control as zorak commands him to say something stupid.
Space ghost asks if they would like him to swallow a live mollusk.
Space ghost then turns to schooly and says that to further
demonstrate his powers, he will show schooly his bowl of sea-monkeys.
"Look at these monkeys!
"One of them... whom I named banjo... "will become the king
of the sea-monkeys.
"Now watch this.
"Banjo, jump out of the bowl and show yourself to us.
Now, banjo, you've got a lot of growing to do."
Banjo grows rapidly under space ghost's superpowers.
Now al yankovic joins them, saying that he, too, has magic powers.
For example, he can turn red traffic lights green just by staring at them.
Space ghost laughs and says that that is enough to get him on the show,
but now zorak, alive again, appears and menaces them.
Banjo the sea-monkey, who has grown to enormous size, comes to the rescue,
displaying his own superpowers.
Banjo shoots a laser at zorak, and zorak is destroyed once and for all.
However, space ghost says that despite banjo's help, the sea-monkey is
a danger to everyone.
Banjo, as he grows ever larger, will possess too much power.
Space ghost shoots a ray and destroys banjo.
Now space ghost regrets his action.
"Why," he says, "do we always hurt the one we love?
"Why, banjo? Why?
"Banjo! Banjo!
Banjo!"
And so we conclude this amazing story of the classic superhero space ghost.
That doesn't make sense. No.
This is the storyteller saying we'll be back in a minute...
- well, that's it, then. - Space ghostis crap!
Now, I can understand you'd obviously prefer to slurp frommywell
of artistic endeavor, so here for you now I present an ambrosial morsel
of my neoteric travail that I've entitled America's funniest
funny videos.
Stand by for boisterous mirth!
Captioning made possible by Turner entertainment group
and U.S. department of education captioning performed by
the national captioning institute, inc.
Oh, my goodness!
Oh, that is so... oh! Oh! Ha ha ha!
Oh, no!
Not the street... not walking down! Oh, look!
He turned around, and he's walking!
Ha ha ha!
Oh, that girl's sitting reading a book! I didn't know Americans could read!
Ha ha ha! Oh, he's just wiped his hands on the... ha ha!
On the thing... with the thing!
He's got the thing on the... ha ha ha!